Diary of a Weed Monkey, part i

As far as the Marijuana food chain goes, my co-workers and I are at the bottom of the barrel. We get paid minimum wage and are oft treated as expendable. We work hard like monkeys, working as fast as we can. It's not for the weak of spirit. I have hence dubbed myself, a weed monkey.


This is not Cambodia

So, we showed up at a place I'll call, Hookah Smoking Caterpillar. We arrived on Thurs. and de-fanned 800 plants, under the grow lights! Some were 12 feet high and we were wedged between the rows. My friend, Jonah, is a big dude and he was getting claustrophobic. I was brushing up against the plants with my bare arms, so I was a human resin ball by 6pm. 90 minutes after we started, somebody cranked the platform and gave us more room. Jonah shouted "What the fuck, bro? Where was that at 8:45?

It was bright and hot as hell. Everyone came back from lunch with sunglasses and baseball hats. If you could have hidden the ceiling and told me I had been dropped into Cambodia, I would have believed you.

Keep trimming..., keep trimming!

Fri, Sat and Sun we trimmed at the Caterpillar. Saturday there was a gas leak. They cleared us all out. After 30 minutes, they told us it was a pilot light that had gone out. Some people refused to go back in. I trusted, Joe, the manager. He's a decent guy. A dude next to me said, "They really don't care about our safety. It's all about the money."

"That's capitalism," I said.

Then the owner came in and gave us a very unmoving apology, saying that it was safe and that the other people 'just didn't want to work.' "I wouldn't be here if it wasn't safe."

The moment he left the room, someone said, "Just keep trimming, keep trimming," like Dory in Finding Nemo. Then the whole room was saying "Keep trimming, keep trimming!" The owner left 20 minutes later. Cuz it was plenty safe.

Welcome to the jungle.

You Say It's Your Birthday

Happy Birthday to the Seester, Mel. Thank you for being so generous and good to me during batshit crazy times. I miss ye.

Your birthdays are the single day of the year that I feel old. Because if you're that old, then that makes me....

Coda

Sorry I was gone so long. I'll try to keep on top of the blog. I have just been burning the candle at both ends. As Mum always reminds me, "You're not in your 20s anymore." Foolish of me, but I still forget.